Grandma’s worry

“Ako’y nag-aala-ala sa’yo. Ikaw lang mag-isa doon. Walang nag-aalaga sa’yo.”
(Translation: I’m worried about you. You’re the only one there. No one’s taking care of you.)
Lola (Grandmother)

That’s what my grandmother usually tells me when I bid her goodbye after visiting her. It’s another 3-hour drive back to my place, where I currently stay and work. And every time I leave, she always says that she and my grandfather are always worried about me living by myself. Being a middle-aged man, I would just shrug this off and let her know that I can take care of myself and that I’m old enough for her to not worry.

Sure. I can take care of myself. I do my own laundry. I buy my own groceries. I manage my own financial responsibilities. I clean my own room. I do everything on my own. I’m a grown man and I can do things on my own without asking for help.

But these past couple of weeks made me wish there’s someone taking care of me. I was sick since the start of the month and I was stuck at home due to the virus going around. It got me too. I’m one of its casualties. Yet, luckily, it wasn’t that severe. I only experienced slight discomfort in the first week. But come the second week, it seemed like my body was having a hard time with its battle with the virus. I experienced a symptom, that may or may not be related to it, that was really bothersome.

During that 2 weeks, I wished I was with people that cared for me. Back home in the Philippines, whenever I get sick, I remember my grandmother, mother, sister, or aunt will bring me food to eat and vitamins to help me get better. My sister will cook or buy me food and bring it up to me in my bed so I don’t have to get up. My favorite was chicken noodle soup or crab and corn soup. My sister sure did spoil me. It was great. I didn’t have to worry about timing my medications because they were all on top of it. All I had to do was rest and get better.

Living alone here in the US, I learned the hard way how difficult it is to take care of yourself when you’re sick. Like the time I had to drive myself to the emergency department because of severe pain in my abdominal area. As it turned out, it was due to gall stones that I had to have surgery for. Then I had to take care of myself as well post-surgery. Then I had those multiple visits to the urgent care clinic. And lastly, these past two weeks.

It is challenging to live alone. But I guess that’s what being an adult really means. I do understand my grandma’s worry but that doesn’t mean I should let her worry.

Reflection: Push

There’s a classic story about a rich man and his daughter.

Once there lived a very wealthy man who only had one daughter. When it was time for his daughter to marry, he called out for all bachelors in town to come to his mansion to see who deserves to be his daughter’s husband.

On the day set by the rich man, all eligible men came. He took them to the swimming pool that span from each wing of the mansion. He gathered all the men at one end, while he and his daughter proceeded on the other end.

The rich man said to them: “Any one of you swims through pool from your end to mine can choose to collect my money, receive my land, or marry my only daughter.”

All the men hurried, removed their clothes and prepared to swim through the other side. As the men were preparing, the rich man’s servants came and dumped buckets of piranha, snakes, and crocodiles into the swimming pool.

As soon as the men saw this, they immediately stopped and started to wear their clothes back.

Disappointed, the rich man said to the men, “if there’s no one who will to take the challenge, you may now all leave.”

As the rich man turned his back from them, there was a splash that came from the pool. All the men and the rich man watched in awe as a gentleman struggled and swam frantically in the pool through the piranhas, snakes, and crocodiles.

When the gentleman reached the other side, he practically jumped out of the water. The rich man then asked him, “What is it that you wanted as your prize, is it my land?”

Panting, the gentleman said, “No.”

“Is it my money?” inquired again by the rich man.

“No.” said the gentleman.

“You’re wise. It must be the hand of my daughter that you truly desire for she is my only daughter and the heiress to all my fortune,” guessed the rich man.

“No, sir.” replied the man as he looks back at the men on the other side.

Bewildered, the rich man asked, “What then is it that you want?”

“All I want is… to know who pushed me into the pool!”

There are two lessons that can be learned from this story. First, no matter what reward is presented to us, we would not see it nor choose it if we were just pushed into doing something. When asked what prize the gentleman wanted for the feat he just accomplished, he simply wanted to know who pushed him into the pool. Since he did not freely choose to jump into the pool and swim through the piranhas and snakes, his anger engulfed him so much, he forgot that he accomplished something amazing and that a reward is waiting for him.

Second, sometimes we don’t know what we’re capable of until we’re pushed into doing something. Fear of the consequence or the situation would sometimes make us retreat even before we have started the battle. We belittle our capabilities and settle to what we know and where we are comfortable.

In times wherein we are faced with a pool of piranhas to cross, God has a message for us:

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

(Isaiah 41:10)

Allow God to push you into doing something great, trust that He would not abandon you in those times, and He will provide all the things you need to make it through.

The Wrap: 2014 edition

2014 has been very good to me and I can’t help but just be grateful for everything that has happened. For each month this year, something great occurred. I know each day is a blessing but for each month that passed a greater gift was given to me.

January saw the struggles I experienced as I prepared for the US National Physical Therapy Exam. I cried alot. Prayed the hardest ever in my life. And did I mention cried everyday? It was my first time to fly out of Asia, to Guam. There I stayed for a week to prepare my mind and psyche to face one of the most important exams I would take in my professional career. What calmed me from the growing pressure was the support from my family and friends, and the people I spent the week with who also took the exam. I came back to the Philippines relieved for surviving the exam and retaining my sanity, but at the same time anxious and nervous for the release of the result.

February started with the longest wait ever. According to the exam website, results would come out 7 to 14 working days after the exam. So you can just imagine the agony all of us were feeling. But a text message from a friend made my heart skip. She said the results were out, just a week after the exam. I didn’t have an internet data on my mobile phone then. But the growing tension inside me could not be held back. I used my regular cellphone load to peek at the exam website for the result. I logged into my account and saw a Passed. I didn’t know what it meant. Did I pass the exam or was my exam result passed to the state I applied to. Before celebrating I consulted colleagues who already passed the exam. Two of them confirmed that I did pass the exam. That was the only time I celebrated.

It was also in this month that I was recognized as one of the university scholars. It was the first time since highschool that I came up on stage to receive an award.

I focused on my graduate school requirement for the rest of the month of February until March to the day of my thesis defense. I squeezed in all my interviews with my subjects, also did some follow-ups, and transcription. I spent almost all of my free time in a cafe somewhere around the metro. Thankfully, I was able to finish my thesis just in time for my defense on April.

It may be the happiest moment in my life as student when I got to graduate from the University of the Philippines Diliman with a master’s degree.

From May to July, I got to travel to Jakarta and Singapore for work and leisure.

In June, I received a surprising news that my graduate thesis abstract was accepted for oral presentation in the World Leisure Congress to be held in Alabama, USA. Though I was hopeful and optimistic that I will get it, still, it was truly unexpected.

So come August, I went home to the Philippines to prepare for my upcoming trip to the United States and to celebrate my birthday as well.

My dream of going to the United States of America came true in September. But before stepping on American soil, I had to wait for ten hours in Beijing international airport for my connecting flight to Los Angeles.

For three days, I stayed with my relatives in California before heading to Alabama for the congress.

My experience in the World Leisure Congress was surreal. Sitting among leisure professionals from all around the world is something I could only imagine. What’s more incredible is to stand before more seasoned professionals and talking about your research. It’s really something I would take with me throughout my career.

Attending and presenting at the World Leisure Congress

After a week in Alabama, I flew back to California to spend time with my relatives whom I haven’t seen for a long time. They toured me around the famous landmarks of Los Angeles like the Hollywood sign, Hollywood blvd, Chinese theater, Santa Monica Beach, and The Grove. I also had time to meet friends who were already living in the state.

Immediately after my trip in the US, I went back to Jakarta until November to finish something.

And from November ’til present, I just spend most of my time with family and friends.

To cap off the year, I had the chance to take a trip up north to the magnificent Sagada.

This year is truly filled with exceptional moments and warm memories, especially new things experienced.

There so much to be grateful for in 2014 and so much to look forward to in 2015. I am really at awe with the power and grace of our Lord for helping me achieve most of what I set my self to achieve for 2014.

Untitled-TrueColor-01 — 2014 Vision Board

“Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
– Psalm 37:4

What does it mean to love Jesus?

It was one of the reflection questions posed in our household meeting last week. Each of us gave different answers. One said surrendering everything. Another said doing good in our work. Some mentioned service to the family or community, and also inspiring others to do the same.

When it was my turn to give an answer, I paused for a while and pondered. What does it really mean to love Jesus? I know I love him, but what does it mean?, I thought. Then I remembered something I read from a friend’s Facebook status. He posted an edited version of a quote from Neale Donald Walsch’s Conversations with God.

“The correct prayer is therefore never a prayer of supplication, but a prayer of gratitude. When you thank God in advance for that which you choose to experience in your reality, you, in effect, acknowledge that it is there…in effect. Thankfulness is thus the most powerful statement to God; an affirmation that even before you ask, I have answered. Therefore never supplicate. Appreciate.”

Gratitude. For me that is what it means to love Jesus. It’s one of the meanings to loving Him.

For years I have prayed hard for the things I want to achieve. And in times things don’t go my way, I often question God why it had to happen to me, and that if there is really a greater scheme of things, where do I fit in.

This usually led me to feeling more sad and losing faith.

But when I began to thank Him for the blessings I receive each day, things became more easy like everything fell into place. It’s not like all that I prayed for came true. Not even did my daily life sailed smoothly. It’s just that finding something to be thankful for each day removes the doubt or uneasiness one feels from an “unanswered” prayer. And just like in the quote, thanking Him in advance is like putting all your trust in Him that you know, in your heart, He will deliver. And whatever He delivers would be something good, not matter what it is.

Happy Mother’s Day, Ma!

So today’s Mother’s Day. I would love to say something nice about my mom but I think she already knows what I want to tell her. So, instead, I’m just going to share a speech I was supposed to give at her company’s awarding ceremony. I wasn’t able to get a chance to say give this speech before because they ran out of time.

When Ms. Kiara called me this morning and told me they’re cooking up a surprise for my mom, without hesitation, I immediately jumped on board their plan. She asked me to prepare to give a short speech about my mom and hopefully make her cry. I, for one, wouldn’t miss that chance. Kidding.

Before she became Ma’m Emma, Ms. Emma or Tita Ems, she was first my mom. She was like any other mom – caring, loving, understanding, and will pretty much do anything for her family. And like any other child, she’s the best mom a kid like me could ever have.

In my youth, I have witnessed hardships in her personal, family, and professional life. And although she was already feeling the burden of those events in her life, she didn’t give up. She didn’t falter. What she did was move forward for herself and for us, her children. We’re her inspirations, she would always say.

She made difficult decisions back then; sacrifices that she was forced to do. But seeing her now, after accomplishing so much, I know that all her sacrifices didn’t go to waste. I often remember what she always say that if not for those hardships she went through in the past, she wouldn’t be as strong as she is now.

I believe that what makes her a good mother helps her be a great leader. Great leaders share their knowledge to their team, they don’t just keep it to themselves. That’s what she learned from her mentors and managers. I notice that whatever bits of wisdom she gathers from different people, she shares it to the team. She measures her success not by how much she makes but how many lives she helped and dreams she helped to achieve. And like a mother, she wants everyone to succeed. I guess if there’s a secret to garnet’s success, that must be it. They are not just people who are trying to move forward, but a family who carries each other to greatness.

Congratulations to Garnet. Congratulations, Ma. I love you!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Never allow your heart to worry

“Never ever allow your heart to worry.”

That message keeps on resonating in my head days after having first read it.

I received that message right when I was so overwhelmed with everything that’s goin on in my life. There was a lot of things that kept my mind busy. It even came to a point where my eyes would spontaneously swell up and cry, with no clear reason. It usually happened when my mind becomes idle. As soon as everything becomes still and quiet, melancholia would creep in and swallow me whole.

But I believe through my sister-in-faith, God has spoken to me. Never ever allow your heart to worry, He said. Even though you’re feeling that way in most of your days, do not fret for I am here. Trust in me, surrender all your worries. Pray and be faithful to me.

Now, whenever I feel down and blue, I just remember go back to that message to never allow my heart to worry, for my faith in God is stronger than any uncertainty or woes.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths.” – Prov 3:5-6

Counting down still #8

So, okay. I’m not as diligent as I thought I could be in posting daily until my birthday. Even in Instagram, I believe my last post was in day 17. Anyway, just to have some update here eight days before my birthday, here are the collection of pics I posted in Instragram.

Countdown To 27: #27

Hurray! It’s August once again! And what I like about August is that it’s my birthday month!

For this year, I decided to be more active in blogging for the month of August. I would share photos or stories eventually leading to my very special day. Today marks 27 days before I turn 27. So here it goes.

Within these walls, I have become the capable, compassionate, committed, competent man that I am today. Though they say learning doesn’t only happen in school, it is in these places that started the fire in me to persevere and work for my dreams.